Wednesday, August 8, 2012

I Will...

"I'm glad to be here right now, poking at my threshold.  
I want to get more comfortable being uncomfortable.  
I want to get more confident being uncertain.  
I don't want to shrink back just because something isn't easy.  
I want to push back, and make more room in the area between I can't and I can.  
Maybe that spot is called I will."

-Kristin Armstrong, Mile Markers blog, RunnersWorld.com

Over the past few years, running has become my safe haven, my place where only I exist and no one else.  I run for me, not to prove anything to others.  I talk a lot to God while I'm running.  In fact, he may even want me to just shut up in my head and listen (I do that too but probably not as often as I should).  My runs provide me with time for self-reflection, a time to assess what's going on in my world.  It's my catharsis, my greatest form of stress relief, a time to blow off steam so-to-speak.  It brings peace to my sometimes chaotic world and it gives me time to get lost in my thoughts and music and just go without a worry (except to avoid getting hit by a car of course).

I can officially say I've been running for more than 2 years now and it's been a long, but plentiful and beautiful journey for me.  When I started running in August/September 2010, I could barely finish half a mile without wanting to die on the side of the road.  Now I run 4-6 mile minimums, I participate in races on an almost monthly basis (some months, I run consecutive weekends), I've joined the Atlanta Track Club, Atlanta's largest running club, I've run a half marathon, I'm running another one in the fall, the list of my personal accomplishments goes on.  I am not the same woman I was 2 years ago nor do I plan on ever going back to that woman.  Yes, running played a very significant part in my weight loss journey, but it has done so much more for me.  It has given me the determination, motivation, and strength to keep going when times are tough.  It has forced me to rely on my inner strength to get through those rough patches.  It's given me insight on what it feels like to push through pain- physical and emotional.  But it has also provided me with a lot of good times.  The races I do with family and friends are always fun.  I've been told by others I've encouraged and motivated them to get in shape and hit the road (the BIGGEST compliment I could ever receive).  The running community is one of THE nicest communities out there and I've met some great people throughout my journey.  I could not imagine my life without my running shoes anymore.  I plan vacations around my running (Tom and I are going on a running cruise February 2013- more to follow.  Can't.Wait.) and always pack my gear.  I plan my weekends around races.  I look forward to each and every race I run and no matter how I finish, good or bad, I'm appreciative God has given me the strength and ability to get through it.

When I saw this quote, it reminded me a lot of how I felt 2+ years ago.  I was afraid.  I didn't know how to start.  I didn't want to look like the idiot flailing her arms too widely.  I didn't want to be judged for running slowly or not far enough.  I had no clue how to run or what shoes I should wear or what an acceptable form was.  I didn't want people gawking at me through their windows, pointing fingers, saying to others "that girl looks ridiculous".  I didn't know anyone in the running community nor was I aware of any running forums or blogs.  But one day, I got over all of that and my irrational fears of judgment.  I'd changed my mentality and was determined to push through whatever was holding me back.  As usual, I was walking in the twilight hours before work one morning and I said to myself, "I'm going to run the last half mile home."  So I guestimated what that distance was and I went from there.  Next thing I knew, I was telling myself to go for a mile and then some.  To say I caught the "Runner's High" is an understatement, but I still love running to this very day.  I am grateful to be where I am today and I pray that God continues to bless me with the ability to continue on my running journey.  There is no more maybe when it comes to hitting the road.  I WILL accept my personal challenges and I WILL continue to become a better person, spiritually and physically.

Hope everyone has a wonderful day!

Happy reading!

xoxo,

Britt!

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